


Demonology

by Half



Series: Monsterology [2]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Ghost Hunter AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-16 19:45:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12349410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half/pseuds/Half
Summary: Several years after ridding their college campus of evil spirits, the Black Badge crew finds themselves with a ghost hunting television show and a side job of legitimate paranormal research. But when their services are requested at a haunted mansion, they just might find that they're far less prepared than they thought they were.





	1. who you gonna call?

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr @youreagoodliar
> 
> Evil Plot Cohort: TheGaySmurf

_“I can feel a cold spot. Can’t you? There’s a spirit here, I just know it.”_

_“Readings are off the charts. Spiking like crazy. I think you’re right.”_

_“Hello? Is there anyone here with us? If you’re here, give us a sign.”_

_“Wait. Did you hear that?”_

_“What?”_

_“Shhh… Listen…”_

_“Is that a name?”_

Waverly groaned loudly and rolled her eyes, flopping down dramatically on the couch. “You guys can’t seriously be watching this right now.”

Wynonna tossed popcorn into her mouth, her feet up on the living room table. “It’s _entertainment_ , Waves. Just because you don’t like the sound of your own voice…”

There was a loud scoff as Waverly kicked Wynonna with the heel of her foot and tried to reach for the remote. Wynonna gave a shout of annoyance and dove for her, sending them both rolling off the couch and crashing to the ground. They wrestled for a bit, each trying to reach the channel button, until running footsteps sounded from the staircase.

“What in the hell is going on down here?”

Waverly and Wynonna both shot grins up at Nicole as she stood at the bottom of the steps, staring curiously at them.

“Nothing,” they said simultaneously.

Nicole’s gaze flickered to the television screen, and she groaned exactly like Waverly had. “For fuck’s sake, Wynonna, are you watching our show _again_?”

“It’s the fifth anniversary special! We went to France!”

“Mhm.” Nicole leaned against the wall, watching for a moment. “Y’know, I could never quite figure out why we were in a centuries old building in France and Waverly was calling out for ghosts using English.”

Waverly snorted and got to her feet, swiping the remote long enough to turn the television off. “Because the people who watch the show never notice, so I might as well make things as simple and dramatized as possible for them.”

“So, no telling the viewers about the mission to the haunted church in New Hampshire that was legitimately haunted and you had to say a spell in Ancient Greek?”

“Hey, you would be surprised by how many ancient languages can create some pretty powerful anti-paranormal spells.” Waverly shrugged. “Maybe they have power because some paranormal things were more widely believed back then? I’m not sure. I-”

Wynonna shoved her backwards onto the couch. “Nerd stuff,” she said with a yawn. “Boring.”

Nicole leaned over the back cushions and kissed Waverly hard on the mouth. “I think you mean ‘Nerd stuff. Hot.’”

“I would literally never say that about my sister, Haught. Gross.”

“Then go away,” Waverly mumbled, tugging on Nicole’s shoulders so that she’d fall forward onto the couch.

Wynonna grunted with irritation as Nicole tumbled and kicked her in the face. She shoved at them and stood, moving the popcorn out of the way before it spilled. “I fucking hate both of you.”

Nicole turned to look at her, pretending not to notice Waverly playfully biting at her neck. “Oh? Why?”

Wynonna groaned and rolled her eyes. “We have a haunted house to prep for, you know. Jackasses.”

“Yeah, you really looked like you were getting ready for that, Wynonna. Were you prepping your ass for sitting in the car for the trip down to- _mfph!_ ”

Nicole’s words were cut off by Waverly dragging her down into a rough kiss.

“You’re both assholes,” Wynonna muttered.

Waverly flipped her off quickly before deepening the kiss.

Wynonna tossed another piece of popcorn into her mouth and then dumped the bowl onto Nicole and Waverly’s heads.

_“For fuck’s sake, Wynonna!”_

“Get ready to leave, little sis!” Wynonna said with a cackle as she headed up the stairs.

 

+++++

 

Fifteen minutes later, Nicole took a sneaker to the back of the head.

_“I swear to god, Haught, get off my sister and get ready to go! Mother…”_

Wynonna continued to mutter curses as she returned upstairs. Nicole rested her forehead against Waverly’s collarbone.

“My head hurts now,” she mumbled.

Waverly laughed and ran her fingers through Nicole’s hair. “I’m _so_ sorry, baby. Maybe we should go before she throws something heavier at you.”

“Hmph,” Nicole mumbled. “Fine.”

 

+++++

 

“What do we have?” Dolls asked as he headed into the conference room of Black Badge Ghost Hunting.

Doc, leaning back in his chair with his feet up on the table, fidgeted with his hat. “Old farmhouse. Supposedly it’s _extremely_ haunted.”

“Real or a show prospect?”

“Real,” Wynonna answered as she walked into the room. “Waverly found plenty of evidence that it’s an actual thing. She and Nicole are– _finally_ –packing the cars up.”

Dolls and Doc exchanged a smirking glance. “Are you positive that is the best of ideas?” Doc asked.

Wynonna paused, staring at him. “What…” Realization flickered onto her face. “Oh, no,” she groaned loudly.

 

+++++

 

As they headed out to the driveway, they could hear the sound of blasting music and loud, somewhat-off-key singing.

_“Try to stop my hands from shakin’, Somethin’ in my mind’s not making sense…”_

Nicole was sitting on the door of her red ’76 Corvette Stingray T-top, the radio turned up, singing along and making Waverly laugh as she organized books in a box in the back of Dolls’s SUV. Her gray and white flannel shirt was tied around the waist of her blue jeans, making her pale blue campus police t-shirt visible.

_“Just ‘cause you’re right, that don’t mean I’m wrong…”_

“Alright, Haught,” Wynonna called from the porch. “We get it! You’re gay!”

Nicole faced her as she turned up the radio and raised her voice until she was practically screaming.

_“I JUST WANNA USE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT, I DON’T WANNA LOSE YOUR LOVE TONIGHT…”_

“Okay,” Wynonna muttered, grabbing the hose. “That’s it.”

Nicole practically fell off of the door, not even noticing as the song switched over to “Hold On Loosely” by .38 Special. “Don’t fucking get water in my car, Earp,” she yelped, diving towards the older woman.

Dolls carried his bag over to the SUV and set it in the back next to Waverly’s box.

“Sometimes I swear they never actually left college,” Waverly said with an affectionate smile as she watched Wynonna and Nicole wrestle on the ground with the hose.

“Possibly not.” Dolls gently shoved her head to the side. “But you love them both for it.”

Waverly grinned at him. “Yeah, but where’s the fun in letting them know that?”

 

+++++

 

Their caravan was always made up of three vehicles- Dolls in his SUV, Nicole and Waverly in the former’s Corvette, and Wynonna and Doc in her Dodge Ram pickup truck.

They made their way down to a farm town in Georgia, stopping often for breaks.

“I don’t know how Xavier does it,” Nicole mumbled, sprawled out as much as she could get in the passenger seat of her car.

Waverly glanced over at her, smiling softly as she watched the light of streetlamps flicker over Nicole’s face. “How he does what?”

“Drives the whole time all by himself.”

“Well, according to him, he never has to sleep.”

“Maybe he’s a lizard.”

Waverly laughed. “Yeah, Nicky. Maybe he’s a lizard.”

 

+++++

 

When they arrived in town, they stopped at a Cracker Barrel for breakfast.

“Hey there,” the waitress said with a smile. “Could I take y’all’s order?”

“I’ll start,” Doc said, fidgeting with his menu and smiling back at the waitress until Wynonna kicked him under the table. “I’ll take the Country Boy Breakfast, miss.”

“How would you like your eggs?”

“Scrambled.”

“Pork chops, country ham, or sirloin steak?”

“I’ll take the pork chops, thank you. And a cup of coffee.”

“Alrighty then.” The waitress took Doc’s menu and turned her attention to Dolls. “And for you, hon?”

Dolls met her gaze seriously. “The Good Morning Breakfast, please. Could I have plain grits with that instead of cheese ones?”

“Absolutely.”

“And a glass of water.”

“You got it.” She turned next to Wynonna, who was giving Dolls a weird look.

“Did you just order something with _scrambled egg whites_?”

Dolls blinked at her. “Yes?”

Wynonna shook her head slowly. “I can’t believe I dated you.” She ignored the offended look he shot at her as she looked up at the waitress and said, “I would like Grandpa’s Country Fried Breakfast with over easy eggs, hashbrown casserole, chicken fried chicken, and a cup of coffee. Also, I would like a side of bacon.”

“Certainly.”

Nicole snorted into her hand and leaned over to Waverly. “I’m surprised Wyn is still alive,” she muttered. She gave a grin as the waitress turned to her, and she said, “Hi there. I’ll have the Old Timer’s Breakfast, please. Over medium eggs.”

“Fried apples or hashbrown casserole?”

“Fried apples.”

“Sausage patties, bacon, or turkey sausage?”

“Sausage patties. And some orange juice.”

“Okay then. Last but not least?”

Waverly beamed at her. “Pumpkin Spice Pancake Breakfast, please.”

Nicole groaned and put her face in her hands.

Waverly elbowed her in the side and continued. “I would like my eggs scrambled, and I would like turkey sausage, please. And some tea.”

“Alright then, guys. I’ll get this order in for you now.”

As the waitress walked away, Nicole said, “You’re a cliché, baby.”

“ _I_ am?” Waverly pointed across the table at Wynonna. “What about Ms. ‘Give Me As Much Unhealthy Food As Possible’?”

“Mm. Pretty sure that was mostly because Xavier might as well have ordered a plate of sawdust.”

Dolls narrowed his eyes. “We’ll see who’s laughing when all of you have clogged arteries.”

“Well,” Doc drawled, “you’ll be dead of boredom long before then, so…”

“What kind of ghost are we dealing with here?” Nicole asked as she played the peg solitaire game on their table. “Do we have any idea?”

“It’s looking like a good old-fashioned haunting to me,” Waverly replied, reaching over to move one of the pieces for her. “Original homeowner was murdered in the house a hundred or so years ago and the killer was never caught.”

Nicole paused. “I’m not going to get possessed again, am I? Because I’m getting kind of tired of it, honestly.”

“Baby,” Waverly murmured soothingly, inching closer and rubbing her hand against Nicole’s leg, “it’s not our fault that you’re so irresistible.”

“Uh-huh. Sure. Thanks. Is that why Wynonna always uses me as _bait_?”

Wynonna grinned at her. “I always make sure you end up back in one piece, kiddo. Don’t be a whiner.”

“I got covered in pig’s blood last time, Wynonna.”

Smirking, Wynonna reached across the table and patted Nicole on the cheek. “And don’t you just look so _youthful_ now?”

“Fuck off,” Nicole grumbled.

Doc chuckled and shook his head, swiping the peg game from Nicole. “I do love this job.”

 

+++++

 

As they left the restaurant, Nicole jogged over to her car and jumped into it without even opening her door.

“You’re such a prick, Haught,” Wynonna yelled at her.

Nicole shifted, sitting up on her door and leaning on the roof. “Maybe, but my girl thinks I’m hot.”

Waverly laughed and started towards her. “You’re a goofball.”

“I know. It’s part of my charm.”

“Oh, your _charm_ , huh?” Waverly absentmindedly adjusted the collar of Nicole’s flannel shirt. “Is that why you were such a good campus police officer?”

“Absolutely, babe.”

Wynonna, Doc, and Dolls joined them. “We’re supposed to head to some road that runs around a river and should end right at the house we’re looking for.” Dolls glanced at his watch. “We’re right on time.”

 

+++++

 

Nicole let out a soft whistle when she pulled to a stop in a dirt driveway in front of the old farmhouse. “Well, now _that_ is a _haunted house_.”

Beside her, Waverly let out a noncommittal grunt. “Too cliché.”

“Are we going to get stabbed with a pitchfork or something?”

Waverly raised an eyebrow. “Are you _excited_ about that prospect?”

Nicole shrugged as she opened her door. “Somethin’ new.”

She opened her trunk and pulled her Minnesota Timberwolves baseball cap out of her bag. As she put it on her head, she nodded at an old truck off to the side of the house. “Any idea what that’s about?”

Wynonna, getting out of her own truck, shook her head. “No clue.”

An old man got out of the vehicle and walked over to them, a grim look on his face.

“Howdy,” Doc greeted, tipping his cowboy hat and grinning. “How can I help you, sir?”

“You’re those ghost chasing children, aren’t you?” he asked quietly.

“That’s right,” Wynonna said, smacking Nicole on the back. “This one’s Scooby-Doo.”

Nicole shoved her aside. “You knew we were coming, sir?”

“I heard the idiots in charge of this property agreed to allow some whackjob TV hosts to spend time up here, yeah.” The old man folded his arms across his chest. “Why can’t you people just let the dead rest?”

“Sir, can I ask your name?” Doc took a step towards him, mirroring the older man’s stance and crossing his arms.

“… Harlan Fontain.”

“Mr. Fontain, I have a question for you. If you were a legitimate paranormal agency- a group that truly cared about extinguishing evil spirits and helping the dead move on -how would you convince people to allow you into haunted buildings? How would you get the support you need?” Doc leaned forward, a slow grin forming on his face. “Do you think… just maybe… you’d put a few fake ghost hunts on television to gain some reputation?”

Harlan squinted and looked between each of the people in front of him. “So… you’re all here to…”

“See what we can do to help whatever spirits might be here, yes,” Doc finished.

The old man hesitated for a moment before giving a slow nod. “Well… alright then. I guess y’all can go inside.” He glanced back at the farmhouse. “Just take care of the place? My family used to work here, years ago. It means a lot.”

Doc patted Harlan on the arm. “Trust us, sir. We’re professionals.”

 

+++++

 

_“We’re professionals,”_ Wynonna said, a mocking tone in her voice as they walked back into their office. “Next time, Doc, just tell him you’re going to set the whole farmhouse on fire.”

“Dolls did that. I didn’t do that.”

“Look, _Henry_ , I’m not the one who threw a stick of dynamite at a _ghost_.”

Nicole dropped down onto the couch, putting her hands behind her head. “I’m still trying to figure out how Doc managed to get _dynamite_.”

“I have my sources.”

“Well, now that we’re banned from Georgia…” Waverly joked, lying down on top of Nicole.

“Okay, it’s not quite _that_ bad,” Dolls said with a sigh. “It wasn’t really our fault. That place was haunted beyond anything I’ve ever seen before.”

Wynonna set her laptop up on the conference table. “Aw, guys, we missed our show last night.”

“Rats,” Waverly and Nicole mumbled simultaneously.

“The message boards are hilarious. They still want you to shave off your mustache, Doc.”

Doc flipped her off as he took a seat in a nearby chair and pulled his hat down over his eyes.

Wynonna winced slightly. “Ah. Right. And the shippers are back.”

Dolls groaned loudly. He pulled a protein shake out of the fridge and said, “They never give up, do they?”

“Apparently Waverly grabbed your arm slightly during one of our planned jumpscares, and it means that you two should get married.” Wynonna laughed dryly. “Oh, look, Xavier, this one thinks that that girl you were dating a few months ago was a front so that nobody would notice that you’re actually in love with Waverly.”

“Nicole,” Waverly whispered, interrupting Wynonna’s laughter. “Hey.” She skimmed her fingers along Nicole’s cheek, trying to get her to look at her. “Baby. Don’t go quiet.”

“I’m just getting really tired of them,” Nicole murmured. She threaded her fingers through Waverly’s hair and lowered her voice further. “I don’t own you, Waverly. But I… we belong to each other, and I don’t know how much longer I can take them butting their noses into your personal life.”

“I know, baby.”

Wynonna drummed her fingers on the table. “You know… we could clear this up pretty easily. I know you guys stay away from each other on camera because you want your privacy. But there’s really only one thing I can think of that might make this nonsense stop.”

Waverly looked down at Nicole, who nodded. “Well,” she sighed. “Alright then.”

 

+++++

 

Wynonna sat down in front of a camera, her hands folded in front of her. “Hey there, ghost chasers. This isn’t going to be a typical Afterthought. I know that you’re all expecting something fun and goofy, and on a normal day, that’s totally what I’d be doing. But there are a few things we need to talk about.” She rubbed at her mouth. “Actually, I don’t need to say anything.”

She stood up and walked out of view, making room for Nicole to sit down on the couch. Nicole was silent, waiting, until Waverly made her way into the camera’s view as well and sat down directly in Nicole’s lap.

Waverly took in a long, slow breath and started to talk. “Those of us here at Black Badge make a point to listen to our fans and to see what you’re all saying online about the show. And, unfortunately, a consequence of that is that we also see what you as fans have to say about us as people.

“We know that we’re involved in entertainment. But the thing is, we still hear what you have to say. And it gets very uncomfortable when we see things like, for example, people saying that I should be dating Xavier. He’s a friend. I’m allowed to be close to my friends without dating them.”

Waverly paused, her fingers idly stroking the back of Nicole’s neck. “There is also another reason why some of the behavior directed towards my personal life makes me very uncomfortable. I know that Nicole here is not on camera very often, but you should all know who she is by now. And the thing is, well…” She gave a soft, goofy grin and turned to look at the other woman.

Nicole met her gaze evenly, a gentle glint in her eyes. “The thing is,” she said, picking up where Waverly left off, “we’ve been married for a little over six years now.”

Waverly beamed at her, then shot a wink at the camera. “So, uh…” She gave a small gesture at Nicole. “As you can see, I’m more than fine in my personal life. Please leave me to my own decisions, and please leave Xavier to his.”

“Otherwise, I might have to marry you again. A lot more publically and loudly,” Nicole joked.

“Oh, is that so?” Waverly chuckled and turned Nicole’s baseball cap backwards. “What if I _want_ that, Haught?”

“Darling, I would marry you again in a thousand ways. Just say the magic word.”

Waverly blindly reached over to turn the camera off. “Please.”


	2. it's terror time again

“You’ve got mail again,” Wynonna said as she opened Nicole and Waverly’s bedroom door and chucked an envelope at Waverly’s ear.

Waverly grunted as it hit her. “If it’s another person whining about my script sounding scripted, I don’t want it.”

“Oh, shut up.” Wynonna leaned in the doorway. “Where’s Nic?”

“Went for a run.” Waverly stretched out and idly picked up the envelope to open it. “I offered her a better workout, but the dummy has some weird dedication to actually doing exercise the _proper_ way for some reason.”

Wynonna shuddered. “Alright, look, I _know_ that you guys have sex, but why do I always have to _know_?”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means _shut up, Waverly_.”

“Yeah, well…” Waverly trailed off, her face going pale as she stared down at the paper she had pulled from the envelope.

Wynonna’s brow furrowed. “Waves? What’s wrong?”

“It’s…”

“Don’t tell me it’s another one,” Wynonna said softly. She walked over and sat down on the bed, rubbing Waverly’s knee. “It is, isn’t it?”

Waverly cleared her throat and handed the letter to her sister. As Wynonna read it, Waverly picked up her cellphone.

“Hey,” she said quietly. “Baby. Where are you on your route? … Okay. Could you do me a favor and head back? Quickly? … Yeah. Just be careful, please. … I’m okay, I just need you to be careful. … Yes. … I love you, too. Bye.” As she set her phone back down, she said, “Nicole is coming back from her run.”

Wynonna tried not to crumple the letter as she read, _“Does your filthy friend spend so many mornings running because she thinks she can steal you from me, Waverly?”_

Waverly rubbed at her mouth, her eyes fluttering closed. “Two months. Two months since Nic and I made that announcement about our relationship. And this has been… what, every day? Every other day?”

“Too much is what it’s been,” Wynonna muttered. She pulled Waverly towards her and kissed her on the forehead. “Nothing is going to happen to you, baby girl. I swear it.”

Waverly took the letter back and stared blankly at it. “I don’t think that’s something you can promise, Wynonna.”

 

+++++

 

Nicole was late getting home, and the first thing Waverly did was tackle her in a hug.

“Where have you been?” Waverly demanded, lightly stroking the back of Nicole’s neck.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Nicole murmured. “There was construction up on Jackson, and it was screwing everything up, even the pedestrians.” She pulled away and cupped Waverly’s face in her hands. “Did you get another note, babe?”

“Yes. They know about your mornings. They’re _threatening_ you, Nicole, I just know it.”

“I know. But there’s nothing we can do, honey. We’ve already talked to the police. Unless they threaten you…”

“… there’s not much they can do.” Waverly sighed. “Yeah, I know. But-”

Nicole kissed her gently, until she felt Waverly relax. “Shh,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay. Besides, we have Yellow. She’ll totally protect you from anything, right?”

Waverly gave a weak laugh as Nicole whistled and a brown and white Akita padded out of the kitchen. She got down on the floor, hugging the dog and burying her face in its fur. “Yeah. My guard dog.” She stood back up and pressed a quick kiss to Nicole’s lips. “ _Both_ of my guard dogs.”

“Exactly. We’re not going to let anything happen to you.” Nicole hugged her close. “I promise.”

 

+++++

 

“Wynonna, I just got an angry phone call about us not filming any new episodes for the next month?” Dolls asked as he walked into the conference room.

“Well, we aren’t,” Wynonna replied, flipping through a document on her tablet. “We have other things to do.”

Dolls stared at her. “I can’t really believe that, coming from _you_. You _love_ this show.”

“I love my sister more,” Wynonna murmured. She tapped her finger against the email she was reading. “I think we need to take a little bit of a break. Just. Get away for a while. There’s a mansion up on the point that looks promising for an investigation- a real one. Maybe we should go up there and take some time. Fucking stalker can’t send her letters if she’s not here.”

Dolls was silent for a moment, then reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “Okay, Wynonna. Let’s do it. If you think it’ll help.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think it will. A distraction. For all of us.” She ran a hand over her face. “These past few months have just been… rough.”

“We’ve had rough times before, Earp. They’ll get better.” Dolls swiped her tablet and started reading the information on the mansion. “They always do, right?” He headed out of the room as he said, “I’ll tell the others. Start packing.”

 

+++++

 

The mansion on the point looked like there had been some recent renovations that had been stopped halfway through. It was an old Gothic style building surrounded by a wide landscape that ended at a cliff that plummeted down to the waters of the bay.

“Wow,” Nicole murmured, taking off her sunglasses and hooking them on her shirt. “This couldn’t look more like a haunted house if it tried.”

A piece of glass fell out of one of the highest windows, shattering on the lawn below, and a swarm of bats flew out of it.

“… I stand corrected.”

Doc brushed his hand over his mustache and said, “Do we bring the camera in, or just the normal gear?”

“I don’t think we’re gonna have to fake a show entry,” Wynonna said, opening the trunk and pulling out a backpack that she slung over her shoulders. “The owner said that he left the key under the front mat, and nobody ever comes up here, so we should be fine to just go in and do some exploring. I know we usually like to talk to the property owners directly, but he said he was out of town and had no interest in being anywhere near this place until it was ghost free.”

“Let me guess. Construction disturbed something it shouldn’t have?” Dolls folded his arms and frowned. “It happens _so often_ that you’d think people would learn by now.”

“Most people aren’t us, Xavier.” Wynonna slapped him on the back. “Just roll with it. Okay! Before we go in, we have to go over the standard rules. What are they?”

“No dynamite,” Doc said.

“Listen when Waverly says to move,” Dolls said.

“Don’t split from the group out of scientific curiosity,” Waverly said.

There was a long pause until Wynonna elbowed Nicole in the side.

_“Ow!”_ She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. “ _Fine_. ‘Don’t get possessed by the ghosts.’ Happy?”

“Very,” Wynonna said with a grin. “And finally, don’t kick down a door, because you never know what’s behind it, and it could be a _whiny baby_.”

“I had a broken nose for _weeks_ , Earp,” Doc muttered.

“Like I said, whiny!” Wynonna checked the tie on her boots, straightened her shirt, and turned towards the front door. “Now then, folks. Let’s get to it.”

 

+++++

 

The entrance of the mansion was dark and cluttered with cobwebs.

“This’ll be hell on my allergies,” Doc joked.

“Is anybody else having a bad feeling about this?” Dolls asked. “Just… I don’t know. I think something’s not right about this.”

The door behind them locked.

“Something is _definitely_ listening to us make dramatically appropriate comments,” Wynonna said. “Who’s going to open their big dumb mouth next?”

The floor collapsed under them.

 

+++++

 

Wynonna found herself facedown in a pile of dust. She coughed and spluttered as she pushed herself onto her feet and brushed herself off. “Apparently, _I_ am,” she mumbled. She raised her voice and called, “Is everyone okay?”

To her left, Waverly and Doc both shouted agreement. To her left, Nicole said, “ _Ow_ , but yes.”

“Dolls? _Dolls!_ ”

“You’re standing on me, Earp,” he grumbled from below her.

“Oh. Whoops.” Wynonna took a few steps back quickly. “Sorry.”

A flashlight beam lit up the room, and they were all able to see that they were in an old wine cellar.

“How pissed do you think the ghosts would be if we just had a few drinks instead of exploring?”

“Wynonna,” Waverly said in a warning voice.

“I know; I know.” Wynonna looked around. “Nic, can you aim that thing at where we came in?”

Nicole turned the flashlight beam upward at the hole in the ceiling. Doc whistled softly.

“Ain’t no way we’re gettin’ back up _there_.”

“I’m surprised none of us broke anything,” Dolls muttered. He rubbed his shoulder and frowned. “Does anybody see a way out of here? Doors? Windows?”

“Nicole and I are on it,” Doc replied as he and Nicole wandered over towards the walls of the cellar.

Wynonna flicked on her own flashlight. “What are you thinking, Waves? Standard haunting?”

“Possibly? Everything so far does fall under the standard stuff, though, aside from the creepy timing, it _could_ also just be classified as ‘old house falling apart’.”

“Uhhh guys? Can _this_ be explained as an old house?”

The others walked over to Nicole, who was standing in front of a portion of the wall. There was a thick red substance slowly oozing out of the bricks.

“Does that look like blood to anyone else?” Doc whispered.

“Yep,” Wynonna said shortly.

“Call me crazy, but that’s not… _common_ , right?”

“Nope.”

“I didn’t think so.” Doc jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “If we want to avoid this horror show for the moment, I found a door.”

Wynonna immediately turned around. “Let’s do that.”

 

+++++

 

The door led to a spiral staircase that went all the way up to the very top of the house.

“This is either the world’s worst design, or something is very wrong here,” Waverly muttered. “Something else, too… There are cold spots, but only very briefly. They’re flickering in and out too quickly. It’s not normal.”

When they got to the door at the end of the stairs, they stepped out into what appeared to be an attic.

“Look at the window,” Nicole said softly.

Wynonna gave a short nod. “Same one that broke when we walked up. If anybody sees a bat, I’m peacing out of here, just so you know.”

“I have a feeling that’s not going to happen. Spiders and rats, probably. But this really doesn’t seem like a place bats would hang out.” Waverly walked around the room slowly. “There’s not really a good spot for them to live.”

“Okay,” Dolls said, hesitation in his voice. “But we _saw_ bats, Waverly.”

“Mhm.” Waverly walked over to the window and ran the palm of her hand along the frame. She squinted at it, then trailed her gaze down to a small box resting on the windowsill. “Uh… guys?”

“Please tell me it’s not more blood,” Wynonna said dryly.

“No. Worse. Better?” Waverly frowned. “Our lives are strange.”

Nicole walked over to her, idly brushing her hand up Waverly’s back. “What did you find?”

Waverly pointed at a string lining the frame. “What does this look like to you?”

She stared at it for a long moment. “Looks like something blew the pane out.”

“Mhm. And the same wiring is attached to this box down here, that’s the perfect size to house a small swarm of bats.”

Doc, waving his flashlight beam around the attic, frowned. “What are you two saying? Is it English?”

Dolls gave a heavy sigh and folded his arms across his chest. “They’re saying that this isn’t ghost activity.”

Waverly shook her head. “It’s a human.”

 

+++++

 

“What changes now?” Wynonna asked as she walked around the perimeter of the attic. “What’s the gameplan for some human douchebag luring us to a mansion that’s fake-haunted?”

“My vote is that we walk out the front door and never return.”

“Easier said than done, Doc. Do _you_ see a door?”

Two wall panels slid open on opposite sides of the room.

Wynonna scoffed loudly. “And we’re _definitely_ being watched.” She raised her voice. “Hey! Jackass! You’re real funny and all, but I’ve got better shit to do than play this game. Give us the way out. _Now._ ”

There was no response.

“Okay. So. Which door do we pick? I guess that’s our only option.” Nicole wandered towards the one closest to the window, with Waverly close behind her.

“I don’t trust anything near that window,” Wynonna growled. “We should probably take this one.”

She, Doc, and Dolls stepped towards the door on the opposite wall.

The floor underneath both groups dropped from underneath them, and they plummeted down separate chutes into the darkness.

 

+++++

 

Wynonna groaned, lying flat on her back on the floor. “I’m going to break a hip if I keep this up.”

Beneath her, Dolls grunted. “You’re going to break _my_ hip.”

Underneath both of them, Doc snorted. “Will you both shut up and get off of me?”

They stood up, and Wynonna immediately yelled, “Waverly! Nicole!”

“Each side must’ve gone someplace different,” Doc said.

“Great. What’s the plan _now_?”

“That’s easy,” Dolls said under his breath. “Get out of here before we end up in one of those trash compactor traps.”

Wynonna pointed at him. “I swear to god, Xavier, if you just jinxed us…”

“Just head towards that door over there, Wynonna.”

 

+++++

 

They wandered through rooms for hours.

“This place is a maze,” Wynonna complained. “For fuck’s sake, there’s no way there’s even enough _space_ for all of these rooms. We must be repeating. I swear I’ve seen that creepy vase before.”

Doc took his hat off briefly to run his hand through his hair. “Alright. What about that door over there? I don’t recognize it at all.”

“It’s as good a plan as any.”

Dolls walked over and turned the handle, but he froze before he got the door all the way open. Quietly, he said, “Both of you, get down flat on the floor.”

Wynonna’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“Just do it. _Now!_ ”

Doc and Wynonna dropped quickly, and Dolls carefully crouched down. “Okay,” he whispered. “Three… two… one…”

He pulled the door open, and the shotgun tied to the handle fired.

 

+++++

 

Waverly and Nicole were lying on the floor, staring up at the dark ceiling. “I’m almost bored at this point,” Waverly mumbled.

Nicole chuckled and softly stroked her fingers through Waverly’s hair. “Baby, you’re _never_ supposed to say that.”

“I know.” Waverly rolled on top of her, resting her chin on Nicole’s collarbone. “We’ve been sitting in this empty room for _hours_ , Nic. I’m going stir crazy. Do you think Chrissy will report us missing?”

“Maybe? But she’s supposed to have Yellow for like five days, Wave. She’s not going to notice that anything’s wrong until at least then.”

“Great,” Waverly said dryly. “Stuck alone in a room with you for at least five days.”

Nicole poked her in the ribs. “Hey.”

“Oh, _relax_ ,” Waverly giggled. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Nicole’s lips. “We’ll get out of here, baby.”

“Wasn’t I just trying to reassure _you_ of that?”

“Apparently it worked!”

Nicole laughed and extracted herself to get to her feet. She hesitated before saying, “Was that there before?”

“Hm?” Waverly looked up and saw an opening in the wall. “Well, shit. No. No, it wasn’t.”

“Clearly a trap,” Nicole said slowly. “But I’m starting to feel like we’ll only get out of here if we play this asshole’s game.” She held out a hand to help Waverly up. “Do you trust me, baby?”

Waverly let her pull her to her feet and kissed her quickly. “With my life.”

 

+++++

 

The room they walked into was bright white, and the moment they stepped inside, the door behind them slammed shut. On the far side of the room, there was a single other door.

Nicole put her hand out, holding Waverly back. “Why don’t you stay here, okay? …Something doesn’t feel right about this.”

“What do you mean?”

“Schmuck bait,” Nicole mumbled.

She crept towards the door, cautiously keeping an eye on the walls. When she got to the other side of the room, she carefully rested her hand on the door knob.

A glass wall slid down, separating her from Waverly.

_“Nicole!”_ Waverly screamed, running forward and punching the glass.

“Waves, I’m okay,” Nicole called. She walked over, studying the wall between them. “This is weird…”

“Does that door open?”

“Nope. Didn’t budge. What about yours?”

Waverly shook her head. “What the fuck is this?”

“I’m not sure.” Nicole rubbed at her nose. “Do you smell bleach?”

There was a long moment where Waverly just stared at her. “W-What?”

“Can’t you smell bleach?” Nicole rubbed at her nose again. “It’s really strong.”

“Baby, I don’t smell bleach.”

“I don’t get it.” Nicole put her hand on her face, pacing slowly. “It’s just getting worse.”

On Waverly’s side, a speaker high on the wall crackled to life. _“It’s nice to finally see you in person, Waverly Earp,”_ a quiet male voice said. _“Though, I suppose it’s not in person_ yet _.”_

Waverly’s blood went cold. “Who are you?”

_“I think you know exactly who I am, Waverly. I think you knew as soon as you realized this mansion wasn’t haunted.”_

Waverly closed her eyes briefly, taking in a long, slow breath. “The stalker,” she whispered.

_“I’m not a stalker!”_ he screamed. _“I’m an admirer! Your true soulmate!”_

“Already got one, thanks,” Waverly said.

_“Not for much longer.”_

Waverly looked back at Nicole. “… What?”

Nicole cleared her throat and rubbed at her chest, coughing. “Wave,” she rasped. “Wave, something’s wrong.”

_“You’re going to feel like that for a while. I’m holding it steady at around 30 ppm, right in the range of chest pain… shortness of breath… coughing… I don’t want you to get to the range of more mortal injuries yet.”_

Waverly punched the wall again. “What are you doing to her?!”

_“I’m surprised, Waverly. Smart girl like you doesn’t know the signs of poisoning by chlorine gas?”_

Waverly went pale. “Please.”

_“What?”_

“Please, don’t.”

“It’ll be okay, Waves,” Nicole said. She knelt down on the ground, still coughing. “I’m alright.”

Waverly got down on her knees in front of her. “Baby. Baby, look at me.”

Nicole was struggling to breathe, but she met her gaze evenly.

“Please. Just stay with me, baby.” Waverly swallowed, tears starting down her cheeks. “Please.”

“M’alright, darlin’,” Nicole coughed.

Waverly was forced to sit there, watching Nicole choke and splutter in the gas-filled room, for over twenty minutes. When she could take no more, she looked at the speaker, sobbing. “Please. I’ll do whatever you want. I have nothing to give you, but you can have me. Please, just take me. I’ll go willingly, just let her live.”

_“Don’t you see, Waverly? You have to_ mean _it. And you won’t until she’s gone.”_

“No! I mean it! I mean it! Please!” She pressed her hand against the glass, watching as Nicole started to lose focus. “Please.”

Nicole swallowed and tried to pull herself up. “Wav…erly,” she choked. “Listen to me… It’s gonna be okay.”

“How can it?” Waverly demanded. “Nicole, please don’t go.”

Nicole’s voice was a whisper. “No matter what happens, Waverly, you have to know that I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you.”

Waverly punched the glass, startling Nicole before she could drift off. “Dammit, Nicole Haught, don’t you fucking give me that last words shit! I won’t allow it!” She collapsed forward, her head resting against the glass wall, crying uncontrollably. “I don’t know what to do,” she murmured. “I can’t do this. Please. Please don’t go.”

A yawn came over the speakers. _“This is getting old. Can’t you just die already? I’m going to pump it up to 40 ppm. Let’s see if some nice pneumonitis or acute pulmonary edema can shut you up.”_

Waverly scrambled to her feet. _“WAIT!”_

If he was going to respond, it was interrupted by Nicole collapsing onto her side. A sharp laugh came over the speakers, but before anything else could be done, the door on Nicole’s side of the room burst open.

Wynonna stood in the doorway. “I’m getting really fucking tired of this house.” She walked over to Nicole, closely followed by Dolls. “Doc, keep that door open.”

Doc did as he was told, ensuring that they weren’t trapped in the room and allowing the gas to disperse. Wynonna pulled a blanket out of her backpack and laid it over Nicole. “Waverly, move.”

Waverly scrambled backwards as Wynonna pulled an axe out. As soon as her sister was a safe distance away, Wynonna slammed the axe into the glass. It shattered after three strikes, crumbling into pieces. She handed the axe to Dolls and said, “Get the other door open. I’m. Fucking. _Done._ ”

As he headed for the door, Waverly hurried to pull the blanket off of Nicole. Her wife was unconscious and convulsing slightly. “Wynonna,” Waverly whimpered. “Wynonna, what are we going to do?”

Wynonna crouched down in front of her and put a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Hey. Look at me. Focus. Breathe. Think.”

Waverly met Wynonna’s gaze and took in a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. Right. Sorry. I-I just…”

“I know. Just think.”

“We need to get her out of here. We need to get her to a hospital.”

“Okay. We found a way to the front door, but we wanted to get you two. Doc can lead you out. Go with him.”

“What about you?” Waverly shook her head. “I’m not leaving you here with this asshole.”

“Dolls isn’t _that_ much of an asshole,” Wynonna joked. She kissed Waverly on the forehead. “We’ll be fine. You need to go. Take care of your girl.”

Waverly looked down at Nicole and nodded. “Okay,” she whispered. “But you better find me there.”

“Damn straight.”

Waverly lifted Nicole up, getting Doc’s help once she made it to the door. They disappeared out the doorway, and Wynonna turned to Dolls, her eyes cold.

“Come on,” she said. “I think we both know who’s doing this, and I need to feed him my fist.”

 

+++++

 

Nicole opened her eyes in the back of the SUV as Doc sped towards the hospital. Waverly stroked her forehead and kissed her cheek softly. “It’s gonna be okay, baby,” she whispered. “I got you. We got you. You’re gonna be okay.”

She rested their foreheads together. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, either, Nicole,” she whispered. “Just relax, baby. We’re almost there. Stay with me.”

When she raised her head, Nicole was already unconscious again.

 

+++++

 

Wynonna and Dolls found Tucker Gardner in a small separate building just off the side of the mansion.

“I’ve seen you before,” she said, pointing at him as he scrambled to try and collect his computer equipment. “Where have I seen you before?”

“I’m Waverly’s soulmate,” he replied in a cold voice. “It’s only natural that you’ve seen me before.”

Wynonna squinted at him. “Aren’t you the freak son from that first house we ever profiled on our show?”

“I was a fan before there was even a show,” Tucker spat. “I started setting this place up from that moment on, because I _knew_ that it was the best way to get Waverly back again, to call our souls together. I tried to flood that basement that you first fell into, but it was too much work, so I put together my little traps instead. I set it _all_ up, just for her. And then she goes on the site and tells people she’s married! To that worthless camera operator that follows her around, taking pictures of her! No, no, it wasn’t right. I had to act, _fast_. So I added a few extra tricks, made sure that this place would be deadly for the whore who tried to steal my soulmate, and now? Now _you_ have ruined _everything!_ Why couldn’t you just let me have the woman who belongs to me, hm? I _deserve_ her after-”

Wynonna punched him in the mouth.

“If there’s anything this haunted house experience has been, compared to the others,” she said softly, “it’s quiet. No howling spirits. No slamming doors. No ghoulish screams. And you know what? I really think it should stay that way.” She punched him again. “And if I were you, I’d agree.”

 

+++++

 

Nicole woke up in the hospital with Waverly staring down at her.

“Oh, thank god,” her wife breathed. She rested a hand on Nicole’s forehead and sighed. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Nicole rasped. “Ow.”

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” Waverly said.

Nicole gave a weak shrug. “I dunno, Waves, I seem to be a magnet for this shit. I’ve got a few lives, at least.”

“You’re a bit low on them, jackass, don’t push it.” Waverly kissed her cheek softly. “I love you, Nicole.”

“I love you, too, Waverly.” Nicole rubbed at her eyes. “What happened with the stalker guy?”

“Wynonna found him and handed him over to the police.” Waverly frowned. “Minus a tooth or two. They’re charging him with a bunch of kidnapping and attempted murder charges.”

“I’m sorry,” Nicole murmured.

“For what?”

“Something had to happen before he was forced to leave you alone.”

Waverly kissed her again, her eyes squeezing tightly closed. “Believe me, baby. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t yours, either.”

“… I know.”

Nicole reached up stiffly and stroked Waverly’s cheek. “Good.”

 

+++++

 

“Haught, why is your dog wearing a big fabric collar?” Wynonna asked irritably as she dumped candy into a large bowl.

“She’s dressed as a Rockruff.”

“… A _what_?”

“The Pokemon? Rockruff?”

Wynonna stared at her for a long moment. “You’re a nerd, Nicole.”

Nicole shrugged. “Proud of it.” She buckled her red jeans and raised her red hood over her head. “How does it look?”

“Explain to me what it is again?”

“Team Magma. From _Pokemon Omega Ruby_ _and Alpha Sapphire_. How many times do Wave and I need to explain this to you?”

Wynonna rolled her eyes. “Many more, because you’re _nerds_.”

Nicole pushed her hood back down and shrugged. “Nothin’ wrong with that. I think that…” She trailed off and her jaw dropped as Waverly walked into the room. “… Oh.”

Waverly raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I, uhm. Thought you were going to wear the male-style uniform like I am… uhm.” Nicole swallowed. “The one that isn’t… uhm…”

Wynonna patted her hard on the back. “You’re breaking your wife by showing her your abs, Waves. It’s kinda sad, honestly.”

Waverly grinned and walked up to Nicole, taking her gloved hands and setting them on her bare waist. “Problem, Nic?”

Nicole swallowed again. “No.”

Waverly tapped a finger against her nose. “Liar.” She kissed her quickly, grabbed a bowl of candy, and headed towards the door. “I’m going out on the porch with the boys and the dog. Feel free to join when your brain starts working again, baby.”

“That woman is going to be the death of me,” Nicole said slowly.

Wynonna set a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Yeah, most likely. But look on the bright side, Haught.”

“What’s that?”

Wynonna grinned at her and headed for the porch. “We already know how to talk to ghosts.”

**Author's Note:**

> Part Two will post on Halloween!


End file.
